We recently held a Medieval Times on Facebook contest inviting fans to submit their best Medieval Joke. Ten days later, we allowed those on Facebook to vote for their favorites. Three winners were selected, but as His Majesty King Philippe enjoys a good laugh, we wanted to share some the fan favorites in the contest.

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There's a moral to every story...

A King sent out an edict that all his noblemen should swear allegiance to his name and pay him a tribute in gold pieces every year on pain of death. Many Dukes and Barons agreed and handed over the gold pieces directly, for he was known to be a ruthless and terrible ruler.

But there was one Count, although he was happy to swear his allegiance, steadfastly refused to pay the tribute. The King was troubled as to what to do, for he was very fond of this particular Count, so he threw him into jail, telling him he had a week to change his mind before he would be executed. At the end of a week, the King asked the Count if he would pay the money now rather than lose his life, but the Count said he would rather die. "Very well", said the King, you shall be beheaded at dawn tomorrow.

Dawn came and the Count was taken to the castle roof where a chopping block was in place and a tall executioner in a black robe was standing waiting with a large axe. Once again the King spoke to the Count: "This is your last chance - will you pay me?"

"Never!" he replied.

At this the King gave the signal to the executioner. The Count lay down with his neck on the block. The executioner began his swing, and the Count let out a mighty cry: "Stop! I'll pay!" But it was too late - the axe fell and his head fell to the ground.

The moral of the story is clear: YOU SHOULD NEVER HATCHET YOUR COUNTS BEFORE THEY'VE CHICKENED!

Dentist

Q: Why did the King go to the dentist?

A: To get his teeth crowned!!

Smart medieval astrologer

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death.

He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later."

Trading places

Q: What do you call it when all the knights trade places at the round table?

A: The knight shift!

Northern Exposure

The knight returned to the king's castle with prisoners, bags of gold and other riches from his victories.

"Tell me of your battles," said the king.

"Well, sire, I have been robbing and stealing on your behalf for weeks, burning the all of the villages of your enemies in the north."

The king was horrified. "But I have no enemies in the north," he said.

"Well," said the knight, "you do now."

Bedtime

Q: What did King Arthur tell the Round Table before bedtime?

A: Knighty Knight

No Horsing Around

Sir Edgbert, a knight of Leone, was hurrying home on a cold, dark, wet night when, suddenly, his purebred Spanish Andalusian suffered a major coronary and died on the spot. All Sir Edgbert could do was collect up what belongings he could and tramp onward.

He strides up to the door, bangs on it and shouts: 'A horse! A horse! I must have a horse!"

The door opens to reveal a young girl. She looks at Sir Edgbert and says, "Your pardon, good knight but my father and brothers are returning from the village on the other side of the forest and will not be back before noon tomorrow. They are riding all our horses."

Sir Edgbert is saddened by this and says, "But I must return home immediately. Have you any idea where I may accuire alternative transportation?"

The young girl says "I know of no other horses hereabouts, but sometimes my brothers ride our Great Dane dog when the need arises. Would use of that help?"

Sir Edgbert is desperate and says, "If I must, I must. Show me the animal." The young girl leads the way around to the back of the farmhouse to a stable. She dissapears inside and returns leading and enormous dogs which is quite of a size for riding. Unfortunately, the dog has seen better days. It's coat is threadbare, it's legs are spindly and it seems to be breathing labouriously.

Sir Edgbert looks at the young girl and says, "Surely, you wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this?"